Hello Love...

 I’m about to be really really honest here, more than my usual. Sometimes depression is not wanting to eat anything. Sometimes it’s not being able to sleep or not wanting to do anything except sleep. Sometimes it makes you sick. Sometimes it makes you sad all the time. Sometimes it tricks you into making you think or feel like you’re happy, but you are actually quite miserable. Sometimes it’s not being able to go back to a certain place (like your own home) because you’re constantly reminded of the memories that happened there. Sometimes it makes you feel completely numb. Sometimes it makes your minutes, hours, days, and years go by unbearably slow. Sometimes it’s really wanting to be happy and doing things that make you happy, but still not feeling any better. Sometimes it’s wanting to cry all the time. Sometimes it’s being mad. Sometimes it’s sitting in your car with music playing, but not actually thinking about anything. Sometimes it’s wanting to be completely alone and away ...

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”-Ephesians 4:29 This has been a verse that I have remembered since my very first year of YFN back in 2005. Whoever the speaker was wanted us to remember it very well so he would always yell “What time is it?” & everyone would yell back “4:29!” Guess it’s a good thing it wasn’t 4:20 or that would just be terrible. Where I’m at in my life right now and with everything that has happened, I have had this verse on my mind a lot. I don’t always “follow” this rule, but recently I have been reminded of how important words are and how much they can affect a person. I have had to say goodbye to a person in my life that I never thought or hoped I would have had to say goodbye to. Sometimes goodbyes are just a “see you later” and sometimes they are actual goodbyes. I firmly believe that if someone is in your life and is ha...

“Ah ha! Never assume, because when you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME!” We as humans make assumptions all the time. Even when we don’t want to, try not, or don’t think we are…we are. That line is from 8 Simple Rules for Dating my Teenage Daughter, and it is one of those lines that has stuck with me since the first time I heard it. Anytime I hear the word ‘assume’ I automatically am reminded of that line, I usually have a real nice laugh in my head as well. Lately my life has been full of assumptions, whether it’s been on my part or someone else’s. Assumptions can kill relationships. Assumptions are just the same as unspoken expectations. You expect your friend/partner to do something and they don’t or you assume your friend/partner will do something and they don’t, same thing. The problem with unspoken expectations and assumptions is, we are always let down. I know that for me personally, I have a big problem with unspoken expectations. I don’t know why that is, because if yo...

Break ups are hard for some people. I am one of those people. I've had 3 serious relationships in my life, or serious enough that I cared, and out of those 3 only 1 of them has been an actual healthy and good relationship. Some people can learn to be friends after they break up and some people decide to never talk to each other again and then there those that find that happy medium. I'm still learning to find the happy medium. When my first serious relationship ended, it was hard. I was depressed. I moved away from my hometown, to a bigger city, and even though I moved closer to my family I still felt very alone. It was some of the hardest months of my life. Once I moved away, I just found it easier to pretty much never speak to my ex again. Honestly I have no hard feelings towards him, it is what it is. When my second one ended, it was only hard for me because the guy had a kid. Heads up people, I got a thing for single dads apparently. Honestly though, the kid was...

Daughter . S ister . Aunt. Adopted. Writer. Learner. Impatient. Easily annoyed. Lover. Friend. Gift giver. Planner. Unorganized. Lazy. Steven Adams enthusiast. Messy. Dedicated. Hard worker. Mistake maker. Bad driver. OKC Thunder fanatic. Loud. Loyal. Photographer. Frustrated. Not great at expressing feelings. Not great at hiding facial expressions. Grumpy. Animal and baby lover. Let's try this again. I had this whole post typed out and it deleted, so I'm currently annoyed, but here's the chance to make this even better. All of that above...that is me, or part of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. On Sunday the sermon was about labels. What 3 labels would you use to describe yourself? What 3 labels would you use to describe yourself to someone you've never met? I couldn't think of any at the time, I mean...c'mon...there are so many words. What kind of idea of myself do I want to give someone who doesn't know anything about me? When I finally thought of ...

Family, OKC Thunder, tattoos, penguins, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, DC/Marvel comics, TV shows, music, road trips, Food Network, candles, neighbors that don't stomp everywhere they walk, puppies, perfume, singing, things and people that make me laugh, being comfortable, blankets, chocolate, taking pictures, comfy beds, fluffy pillows, beanies, sunflower seeds...these are things that make me happy. Recently I've found a form of happiness I didn't know or ever think could or would exist. Some people say they saw it coming and others didn't quite feel the same way. Here's the thing...be happy. Be happy with who you are, who you're with, the decisions that you make, the decisions you're going to make, and don't try to bring others down. I like being happy and I like being around people that make me happy. I like being around people that make me forget that I had a bad day. I like being around people that like the same things I like. I like being around pe...

Today I treated myself to a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks (I got a pretty little red cup with a reindeer on it for all you peeps that threw a hissy fit over some stupid cups last year). The pumpkin spice latte was much needed. Mondays...I hate them. People...not fond of them either. Then you combine Mondays, people, a busted lip (let's not talk about how that happened), and trying to give good customer service...UGH. A lot of people don't know that  I AM NOT A PEOPLE PERSON . People assume that I am, and I am to a certain degree, but most of the time I don't want to be around people, talk to people, look at people (I rarely ever make eye contact...mostly cause it's awkward), etc. My parents usually disagree with me on this, but apparently people just don't get it. I have my small circle of people that I enjoy being around, and it's very small. I would't say that I hate people...I hate being around people. I don't like having to make conversation w...

In 2 days...well almost 1 since I'm writing this late...I'll be turning 24. For most people their birthday is one of their favorite days. This is not to say that my birthday isn't, but it's one of the hardest days for me. Being adopted from the day I was born has been a blessing. I've never known life without the family that I have right now. I've never known what it was like to not have 3 older (very protective) big brothers. I simply could not imagine what life would be like if I didn't have my beautiful little nieces and handsome little nephew. But sometimes it's one of the hardest things for me to deal with. I've had people that I've met that are adopted and they tell me things like "Oh, I understand." or "Yeah, I get it!", but they don't. I've never met my mom, and most likely never will. Even if by some miracle I'm able to meet her, I will never be able to communicate with her. I won't even know for a fac...

Remember when I thought 2015 was horrible and life really couldn't get much worse? Well, it did. 2016 happened . So far in the wonderful year of 2016 I've lost two jobs, got tonsillitis, still barely made any friends (with the exception of a few) , and let's not forget that I feel like a complete and total failure. I've been sitting in Starbucks for the last 3 hours searching for jobs, listening to music, and just trying to keep my shit together. I've been told I should be thankful for all the little things...but that's really hard to do. I'm so tired of people telling me to try and be positive. I've been trying to be positive since May of 2015 and you know what that got me? A BROKEN HEART, MOVED TO A NEW CITY, LOST 2 JOBS, TONSILLITIS, AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER HORRIBLE SHIT . I've done my very best to be happy and positive, if you don't believe me I don't care. I try to put on a happy face, but sometimes I just want someone who is gonna...

The word " friend " is used so loosely these days. Whenever I'm talking about somebody, I always describe them as my friend, but 90% of the time they're just an acquaintance. I would give anything right now to have a true friend. To be honest, I couldn't tell you what it feels like to have someone stick by your side, someone to talk to, someone to hang out with, someone to go do fun things with, etc. The same thing always happens to me...I meet a new person, exchange numbers or whatever, talk about hanging out, and then nothing ever happens. Most of the time people bail on me or stop talking to me. I've cut a few people out of my life, but I've done that because even though I'm lonely, I can't have toxic people in my life. It would be really nice to meet someone and not just be able to say that I have a friend, but to feel like I am someone's friend for once. I can say that I have friends, but to actually feel like you are somebody's friend...

It's 11:20 and I should really be asleep, but I'm not. You know how you try to stay positive and think positively. You tell yourself over and over again that everything happens for a reason, the right people will come into your life at the right time, things will get better, etc. Well, that's been me for the last year. I am constantly telling myself that everything is happening for a reason and that 2016 will be even better than 2015 was. I WAS WRONG. I've managed to keep a better attitude about things, which could be a plus, but I'm not sure if it's because I have a better attitude, or if it's because my life just continues to fall apart so much that I'm not really sure what to do anymore. I feel that it's the second one of those two, but all you positive people would say otherwise. One thing I have learned throughout all this is that people come and go, sometimes without even saying goodbye, and sometimes you have to be the one to say goodbye. For...

Blah blah blah...change is good...keep on going...etc. I seem to have hit another "bump in the road" as they call it. Lots going on, lots of things rattling around in my brain. Sometimes life hits you with the unexpected, my life in the last year is the perfect example of that. I feel like I have the worst luck sometimes. Now don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for where I am in life and what I have, but I don't handle stress and life changes very well. I always end up making myself sick. Fortunately for me, this last big change didn't hit me quite as hard as my previous one did. It sucked, it wasn't fun, I hated every second of having to deal with it, I felt like a failure, and I didn't want to be around people, but I knew I couldn't be down for long. Something I've worked on in this last year is just trying to stay as positive as I can and doing what's best for me. When I say doing what's best for me (or you) I'm talkin'...do s...

"Breathe in and let it go. Your tears are not for nothing. Let them fall off, in every tear drop there is something beautiful. You are stronger than you know, oh you're something beautiful.; Without darkness, there is no light. Just hold on a little longer, and I promise you'll get through this." --Tori Kelly If you would have asked me a year ago where I thought I would be in a year, I can guarantee you my answer would not be what it is today. First of all, I never thought that I would ever move away from Ardmore, but thank God I did. Nothing wrong with Ardmore, I love Ardmore, it's the place I grew up, but there are so many more opportunities in OKC that aren't in Ardmore. It's no secret that I've gone through a rough time, I blogged it for goodness sake, but one thing that has helped me get through some tough times has been my music. Tori Kelly is one of my absolute favorite artists, her voice is beautiful and so many of her lyrics are just what I...

I made it. You made it. We made it to 2016. There were honestly times in 2015 that I didn't think I would make it to 2016, but here I am. Writing this blog. All I have to say is...thank goodness for people who never give up on you. I found old messages from random people that were just as relevant today as they were the day they sent them to me. I have made new friends who have made more of an impact in my life in just a few short months than people I've known my whole life. I've reconnected with so many old friends in the last few months. All of which have been the biggest blessing in this madness I call my life. When you go through a hard time, whether it's just a short period of time or the course of a year, you find out who is there for you. The saying "you find out who your friends are" couldn't be more true. I struggled with realizing my friends...weren't my friends. They were just people I thought were my friends. It was hard, especially with wh...

2015 is almost over (thank goodness) and I'm ready to bring in the new year. I'm ready for whatever 2016 has in store for me. 2015 has been difficult, wonderful, and for the last part... very strange . I'm so ready for all the new and exciting things 2016 has to offer and bracing myself for the difficult times. I have to say that after the year I've had, I feel that I can handle just about anything. Not all of 2015 has been hellish (just the first 9 1/2 months). From my birthday till now have actually been quite enjoyable (despite what some of my other posts have said). I've made a few new friends and just had some freaking fun for once in my life. I've learned that you can't go back to your past. Nothing wrong with remaining friends with people, but there are some relationships and friendships that can never be mended. I am moving on with my life and leaving my past in the past. 2016 is about moving forward. None of that 2 steps forward and 1 step backw...

Sometimes...you just gotta LET IT GO . It's no secret that 2015 has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I went through an extremely difficult 5 months. I've learned a lot about myself and life in general this past year. 1.) Here's the biggest one. Let it go. You can't change the past. Holding onto certain emotions or people won't do you any good. It only makes it harder for you to move on with your life. That means go delete them off Facebook, Instagram, out of your phone, whatever it is that you used to communicate with them. You don't have to forget the memories, but you can't let those run the rest of your life. Focus on your future and being happy. 2.) Choose happiness. Choose to be happy. Choose to do what you love. Choose to have fun. Choose to enjoy life and the people around you. Choose to be adventurous. Choose to be spontaneous. Choose to do something you would have never thought you would do. 3.) Be open. Open to meeting new people, no matte...

Nothing like an OKC Thunder win & Kevin Durant coming back to put me in a good mood and want to write. (9-6...in case you were wondering.) So here it goes... Being single is both a blessing and a curse. I say it's a blessing and a curse simply because it can be the best thing to happen to you and it can absolutely suck at the same time. Being single is the perfect time to discover yourself, as cliche as that is, it's true. It gives you the chance to do what YOU love to do, and figure out what YOU want in life. When you're with somebody for a long period of time, or even short as it seems to go these days, you plan around them. You plan tomorrow, next week, next month, or even an entire lifetime. Sometimes you don't think about the things you want to do, but instead you think about the things BOTH of you want or you think about what THEY want. When you're single you have the chance to explore without someone questioning or keeping tabs on you. You learn to un...

Okay, so I originally dedicated this blog to girls/young women...but now it's changing. It's just a blog. No special dedication, no special anything really. It's for people to read and hopefully take something from my posts. So, enjoy. Tonight as I write this, I'm reminded of all the things I love. Why? Well, because I'm about to start watching my recording of Talking Dead and I just finished watching an OKC Thunder game (which we won, THUNDER UP! #wearethunder #getupgetloud ) and if you know me at all...you know how much I love that team. I even have a tattoo to prove it. No, I'm not one of those girls who watches basketball just to look at all the players, although it doesn't hurt that we have Steven Adams & Kevin Durant on our team :). I honestly love the game of basketball and I love all the guys on that team. So, with that being said...let's talk about love. I love the OKC Thunder, tattoos, Steven Adams (he's a handsome dude), re...

We all have a bad day, or a bad week, a bad month, and sometimes it just feels like the entire year has been horrible. I've certainly talked about how rough the year 2015 has been for me, it hasn't been easy. I do my best to keep my head up and stay positive, and it's pretty easy sometimes and other times it seems impossible. One thing I've known, but realized it more today than anything is, it's about loneliness. I'm tired of being alone. Not the "I need a boyfriend" type lonely, but the "I need a friend" lonely. Do you ever walk into a room and are surrounded by lots of people that care about you, but you still feel like you're completely alone? I've had a lot of people walk in and out of my life over the past years. I always do my best to stay in touch with everyone, I try and be the friend that you can talk to, I would always plan parties and such at my house, and I always end up getting burned in the end. There are people I haven...

I'm a very inconsistent blogger. Most of the time I don't think anyone actually reads this thing anyways. 2015: YOU HAVE NOT BEEN KIND TO ME. 2016: WHERE ARE YOU AT? Bring on the new. Bring on the change (even though I will hate every single second of that). Bring on meeting new people. Bring on the friends. Bring on the adventures. Bring on 2016. (I know it's still November, but I'm looking forward to getting out of this year)