Sad times can kick rocks.

Break ups are hard for some people. I am one of those people.

I've had 3 serious relationships in my life, or serious enough that I cared, and out of those 3 only 1 of them has been an actual healthy and good relationship. Some people can learn to be friends after they break up and some people decide to never talk to each other again and then there those that find that happy medium. I'm still learning to find the happy medium.

When my first serious relationship ended, it was hard. I was depressed. I moved away from my hometown, to a bigger city, and even though I moved closer to my family I still felt very alone. It was some of the hardest months of my life. Once I moved away, I just found it easier to pretty much never speak to my ex again. Honestly I have no hard feelings towards him, it is what it is.

When my second one ended, it was only hard for me because the guy had a kid. Heads up people, I got a thing for single dads apparently. Honestly though, the kid was cute. We got along and that was what made it so difficult.

My third and most recent relationship...now this one was something else. It's a complicated story that I won't go into detail because I'll be honest (why do I keep saying that word?!) it gets a little weird. Basically...older than me by a bit with 2 kids. Difference is, I've known him and the kids for a long time. I've had a special place in my heart for those kids for so long and this only made it grow even bigger. This was my first "healthy" relationship. I say healthy meaning, he really helped bring me back to the person that I used to me. Some people that read this have other opinions, I know...I know. Those people can discuss that stuff with me in person. He really did though, he challenged me and I started seeing the person I used to be and not only did I see it, but the people closest to me did as well.

I'm not here to bash him or the relationship...it ended. Whatever, life happens...sometimes we don't understand why it is the way it is. I'm still struggling to understand. I do understand this, that healing takes time. I'm still healing and it's been incredibly hard and painful. This break up has been the toughest break up I've dealt with. Ending things like that with someone you've known for so long (10 years) will take a toll on you mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. For me, I'm the person that doesn't eat well, I shut down, and I get pretty depressed. I like to say I've handled this one better than the first one (second one doesn't really count I guess), but then things like what happened last night happen. I've been staying at my parents since things ended, I don't do well by myself after events like that. I decided that I was going to stay at my house finally, I felt good enough. I had made progress, I was eating again and just felt better than I had. Then I walked into my apartment. I was there for maybe 5 minutes before I called my dad crying saying "I don't like being here." (again not bashing or anything, the break up happened in my living room though and I was reminded of...well...everything) Now all of this to say that breaks up happen and they're hard. I really look forward to the day that I can freaking blog about something good happening in my life instead of all my sad sob stories about me getting dumped. Wouldn't that be great? Geez. I do know that I'm a writer, I write my feelings down, and this is my way of getting it all out. It's unfortunate for those that read this, you're all probably thinking I'm pretty sad cause all I write about are my sad times. Sometimes it feels like my bad times are never gonna end, but I'm holding out hope still.

One thing that has truly gotten through this break up, even if it doesn't seem like it is this...he encouraged me to go back to church and because of him I joined a life group and have met some great people. I'm not alone in this break up like I felt I was before. It's still not easy, definitely not easy on my budget cause I buy crap I don't need like a brand new iPad and get more tattoos, but it helps knowing you have people to help you through it. I will end with this and maybe some lyrics. My current favorite song is 'Fierce' by Jesus Culture, I've had it on repeat for the last few days and the lyrics are so good and so true. It's really helped me through all of this and has reminded me that there is a love greater than any human on earth can give me and that is enough.


"Before I call

Before I ever cry
You answer me
From where the thunder hides
I can't outrun
This heart I'm tethered to
When every step
I collide with You

Like a tidal wave

Crashing over me
Rushing in to meet me here
Your love is fierce
Like a hurricane
That I can't escape
Tearing through the atmosphere
Your love is fierce

You cannot fail

The only thing I've found
Is through it all
You never let me down
You don't hold back
Relentless in pursuit
At every turn
I come face to face with You

Like a tidal wave

Crashing over me
Rushing in to meet me here
Your love is fierce
Like a hurricane
That I can't escape
Tearing through the atmosphere
Your love is fierce

You surround me

You chase me down
You seek me out
How can I be lost
When You have called me found
You chase me down
You seek me out
How can I be lost
When You have called me found
You chase me down
You seek me out
How can I be lost
When You have called me found

Like a tidal wave

Crashing over me
Rushing in to meet me here
Your love is fierce
Like a hurricane
That I can't escape
Tearing through the atmosphere
His love is fierce
Your love is fierce
You never let go
Your love is fierce
Even now You surround me
Your love is fierce
Always always
His love is fierce"







Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sticks and Stones

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”-Ephesians 4:29 This has been a verse that I have remembered since my very first year of YFN back in 2005. Whoever the speaker was wanted us to remember it very well so he would always yell “What time is it?” & everyone would yell back “4:29!” Guess it’s a good thing it wasn’t 4:20 or that would just be terrible. Where I’m at in my life right now and with everything that has happened, I have had this verse on my mind a lot. I don’t always “follow” this rule, but recently I have been reminded of how important words are and how much they can affect a person. I have had to say goodbye to a person in my life that I never thought or hoped I would have had to say goodbye to. Sometimes goodbyes are just a “see you later” and sometimes they are actual goodbyes. I firmly believe that if someone is in your life and is ha
Read more

I want to like you, but it's not that easy.

Today I treated myself to a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks (I got a pretty little red cup with a reindeer on it for all you peeps that threw a hissy fit over some stupid cups last year). The pumpkin spice latte was much needed. Mondays...I hate them. People...not fond of them either. Then you combine Mondays, people, a busted lip (let's not talk about how that happened), and trying to give good customer service...UGH. A lot of people don't know that  I AM NOT A PEOPLE PERSON . People assume that I am, and I am to a certain degree, but most of the time I don't want to be around people, talk to people, look at people (I rarely ever make eye contact...mostly cause it's awkward), etc. My parents usually disagree with me on this, but apparently people just don't get it. I have my small circle of people that I enjoy being around, and it's very small. I would't say that I hate people...I hate being around people. I don't like having to make conversation w
Read more

Who Are You?

Daughter . S ister . Aunt. Adopted. Writer. Learner. Impatient. Easily annoyed. Lover. Friend. Gift giver. Planner. Unorganized. Lazy. Steven Adams enthusiast. Messy. Dedicated. Hard worker. Mistake maker. Bad driver. OKC Thunder fanatic. Loud. Loyal. Photographer. Frustrated. Not great at expressing feelings. Not great at hiding facial expressions. Grumpy. Animal and baby lover. Let's try this again. I had this whole post typed out and it deleted, so I'm currently annoyed, but here's the chance to make this even better. All of that above...that is me, or part of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. On Sunday the sermon was about labels. What 3 labels would you use to describe yourself? What 3 labels would you use to describe yourself to someone you've never met? I couldn't think of any at the time, I mean...c'mon...there are so many words. What kind of idea of myself do I want to give someone who doesn't know anything about me? When I finally thought of
Read more