Feeling like a doormat.

We all have a bad day, or a bad week, a bad month, and sometimes it just feels like the entire year has been horrible. I've certainly talked about how rough the year 2015 has been for me, it hasn't been easy. I do my best to keep my head up and stay positive, and it's pretty easy sometimes and other times it seems impossible. One thing I've known, but realized it more today than anything is, it's about loneliness. I'm tired of being alone. Not the "I need a boyfriend" type lonely, but the "I need a friend" lonely. Do you ever walk into a room and are surrounded by lots of people that care about you, but you still feel like you're completely alone? I've had a lot of people walk in and out of my life over the past years. I always do my best to stay in touch with everyone, I try and be the friend that you can talk to, I would always plan parties and such at my house, and I always end up getting burned in the end. There are people I haven't spoke to in years that I thought would be my friends for a lifetime. It's like no matter how hard I try to stay friends with people, they don't really care. I often wonder what I do wrong. Do I talk too much? Am I annoying? Did I say something that offended you? I see people that I've known my whole life remain friends with other people I've known my whole life and I get jealous. I get jealous because I never know where I messed up that I can't be apart of that friendship anymore. It would be nice to find a friend, or a group of friends, in this new place. I'm tired of having people walk out of my life and never knowing what I did wrong.