It's easy to remember the things we wish we could forget.
I forgot to post yesterday, but better late than never, right?
So this week has had a lot of emotions, go figure. Just a lot of ups and downs. Learning how to move on and make the best out of life right now.
Today marks the 5th anniversary that we lost a truly sweet, kind, caring, and amazing girl. I still remember that day that it happened. I remember the text I got from my dad. I remember not being able to keep it together long enough to get to the church. I can still remember the funeral like it was yesterday too. I remember standing in the back listening to my dad talk. Listening to our principal and Jim Yeager talk about Alyssa. I remember standing next to my English teacher as she hugged all of us students who were next to her. It's incredibly hard to think that it's been 5 years since that day, my timehop app on my phone is filled with 5 years of remembering her. It's amazing how much losing a classmate brings an entire graduating class together. Even if people didn't know Alyssa, she was honored in the most beautiful ways on senior night and at our graduation. Alyssa, we miss you.
This week is also my birthday. For me, my birthday isn't always my favorite. Not because I don't enjoy getting older or any of that. For me it's hard because it means 23 years ago my mother gave birth to me and I was immediately swept away from her. I'm forever grateful that I was adopted and that my beautiful, selfless, strong, courageous mother wanted a better life for me and knew that she couldn't give me the life that she wanted me to have. But the older I get, the more I miss her and wish she was apart of my life in one way or another. There are days where I wish we spoke the same language and I was able to find her and talk to her. There are days where I wish she was able to write me a letter that I could keep. There are days where I just wish I knew her name, knew my father's name, knew if I have siblings, anything. My adoption papers don't give me tons of information, not enough at least. So as I wrap this post up (there wasn't really a whole point to this post, but whatever) I'll end with my usual letter to my mom...
To my mother,
There aren't enough words to describe the love I have for you or how thankful I am for what you've done for me. There are days that I miss you terribly and wish that you were in my life in more ways then just in my heart and mind. Thank you for constantly being in the back of my mind reminding me how proud you are of me. Thank you for pushing me to do my best in everything that I try and always being in my heart when times get rough for me. Thank you for being my hero, my guiding star, and allowing me to have the life you knew you couldn't provide for me. On my good days, my bad days, and during the extremely difficult times, you are the best part of me. I love you and miss you everyday.
So this week has had a lot of emotions, go figure. Just a lot of ups and downs. Learning how to move on and make the best out of life right now.
Today marks the 5th anniversary that we lost a truly sweet, kind, caring, and amazing girl. I still remember that day that it happened. I remember the text I got from my dad. I remember not being able to keep it together long enough to get to the church. I can still remember the funeral like it was yesterday too. I remember standing in the back listening to my dad talk. Listening to our principal and Jim Yeager talk about Alyssa. I remember standing next to my English teacher as she hugged all of us students who were next to her. It's incredibly hard to think that it's been 5 years since that day, my timehop app on my phone is filled with 5 years of remembering her. It's amazing how much losing a classmate brings an entire graduating class together. Even if people didn't know Alyssa, she was honored in the most beautiful ways on senior night and at our graduation. Alyssa, we miss you.
This week is also my birthday. For me, my birthday isn't always my favorite. Not because I don't enjoy getting older or any of that. For me it's hard because it means 23 years ago my mother gave birth to me and I was immediately swept away from her. I'm forever grateful that I was adopted and that my beautiful, selfless, strong, courageous mother wanted a better life for me and knew that she couldn't give me the life that she wanted me to have. But the older I get, the more I miss her and wish she was apart of my life in one way or another. There are days where I wish we spoke the same language and I was able to find her and talk to her. There are days where I wish she was able to write me a letter that I could keep. There are days where I just wish I knew her name, knew my father's name, knew if I have siblings, anything. My adoption papers don't give me tons of information, not enough at least. So as I wrap this post up (there wasn't really a whole point to this post, but whatever) I'll end with my usual letter to my mom...
To my mother,
There aren't enough words to describe the love I have for you or how thankful I am for what you've done for me. There are days that I miss you terribly and wish that you were in my life in more ways then just in my heart and mind. Thank you for constantly being in the back of my mind reminding me how proud you are of me. Thank you for pushing me to do my best in everything that I try and always being in my heart when times get rough for me. Thank you for being my hero, my guiding star, and allowing me to have the life you knew you couldn't provide for me. On my good days, my bad days, and during the extremely difficult times, you are the best part of me. I love you and miss you everyday.
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